latest email update
Posted by Drew | Filed under ministry updates
Hi friends,
I realize it’s been a very long time since my last email update. I have posted a few things on my blog if you’d like more news on what’s been happening.
What compels me most to write now is the need for prayer. Not that significant events are happening, but I find myself in one of those growing periods. At least, I think that’s the case. My hope is that it’s a season that covers this summer, and not something longer. I never enjoy these times, but I’m always very grateful for them when they are over. So my hope as I walk through this, is that you will support me in prayer.
For a chronological update, I’ve been back in the US since June 3rd. Actually it was the 4th - I had a very adventurous trip home; details on the blog. On the 8th I flew down to Orlando for a training program called Xtrack. It’s Crusade’s training for staff going overseas long-term (3-5 years or more). I came home on Friday and went straight to Memphis to participate in the wedding celebration of one of my closest friends. Now I’m back in Tupelo, and will be here until the 28th. Then I’ll take my one way flight to Florence, not knowing exactly when I’ll be coming home.
Back in Italy, I’ll go almost immediately to a small town in the region of Calabria where a network of Italian churches throughout Italy (the Reconciliation movement) will be hosting a summer camp for college students. I think I mentioned that in the last email. I would love prayer for this week that God will allow me and the rest of our staff to build relationships with Italian believers from all over the country, and that through those relationships God would build into these believers and raise up Italian staff to serve full time in the ministry. That’s the long term vision, but the short term prayer request is that those relationships would begin well during the camp from August 3-10.
I’m very grateful for your prayers. But I should be much more grateful. I’m afraid that’s probably why my emails have been so much more infrequent. I want to explain more about that, and other reasons I feel like this is a growing period, but I’ll add it at the end because I’ve learned that during those explanations I get very wordy, and I know not everyone has time to read the mini novels I tend to send out.
So thank you for your partnership. Thank you for your commitment to God’s work in Italy. I really need prayer, and it’s a tremendous blessing to have a group of friends who are there to meet that need. You are a tremendous blessing. Thank you.
Drew
I realize some people would feel more comfortable with me as a missionary if I only shared positive things and never let on that I still have a lot to learn about following Christ. If you’re one of those, please don’t read further. if you’re ok with the fact that the Lord still has much to teach me, then read on to know how to pray for me more specifically. If you don’t have time to read them all, you could choose one of the 4 topics and just pray for that area specifically.
Growing pains. I guess there’s a reason you never hear about growing joys. But the growth eventually does produce joy. I’m anxious for that day. The things I’m learning aren’t overwhelmingly painful, but they’re certainly not fun, and they are very very humbling.
As I’m thinking about this growing process, it’s tempting to describe these lessons as if they are things I have learned and offer neat conclusions at the end. But the truth is that most of these are things I’m still wrestling with and as much as I’d like to have figured them out, I want to continue to experience them until God has produced the fruit He intends. And I think you’ll be more compelled to pray for me if the need is current rather than past.
Trusting the Lord. You’d think I’d have this figured out by now. It’s kind of my job, right? But I realized this summer through certain circumstances that it’s really hard for me to just wait on the Lord and trust His timing. I tend to be very focused on the task. I see life in terms that are often too simple. There’s a problem, I want to find a solution, then implement that solution immediately. I think it’s that tendency that made engineering appealing to me in college. But there’s a need for control that is implied in that approach to life. But sometimes I just have to let go. You’d think after 3 years of ministry in Italy I’d be less inclined to need to control things. Apparently I’m still learning. Please pray for me proverbs 3:5-6
Believing God’s love for me. So these themes are very general and very foundational to following Christ. Trust the Lord, receive His love… How can I be in full time Christian ministry with these issues? These are things that I know to be true. But I think there’s a difference between knowing something to be true and really believing it. I think that belief necessarily affects behavior. Knowledge alone does not. So these things I know to be true must connect to my heart and produce belief. Often I feel a need to earn God’s love for me. I know that He loves me, but I have a harder time believing that He wants to love me. I think He should be obligated because of the promises of Scripture. But I also see what’s in my own heart and know that He really shouldn’t love me because of the sin that is there. So the result is that I have a hard time receiving blessings from Him, or I feel a need to prove myself worthy of those blessings by being obedient and avoiding sin. It’s a very poor understanding of Grace. And I have seen growth in this area this summer in my attitude towards God. But I long to believe more deeply in the reality of His love for me. Please pray for that believe to grow deep roots into my heart.
Two more items.
The first is connected to the previous one. Proving myself worthy. I think the motivation behind this is tied to a misunderstanding of who God is, but also, more subtly, a desire not to need God. I want to be independent. I want God’s love, I want His blessings. But I dont’ want to be a burden to Him. I want to be worthy of His love, so I work hard, and I hate my sin, and I feel guilt in an unhealthy way when I fall short of what I perceive as my ability to be obedient. I grieve my failure to achieve a standard of perfection more than I grieve my offense against my Father. One sad aspect of this is that if my grief was in offending God, it’s far easier to alleviate that grief with truth from the Scriptures about God removing my sin from me as far as the east is from the west, and many other passages that confirm God’s mercy. But I have a hard time assuaging guilt that I feel for disappointing myself. I think I hang on to this need to meet a standard because I want to convince myself that I am worthy of God’s love. But I forget that the opposite is true. God is glorified by how much I need Him. My neediness doesn’t change, but my understanding of my neediness does. The more I realize how dependent on the Lord I am, the more He will be honored. Fighting to maintain my own standards so I don’t feel my own neediness works directly against my progress towards becoming like Christ, and fully dependent on God.
The last is something I believe the Enemy has been working into my life for a while. I noticed this weekend during the wedding festivities that I have begun to feel very uncomfortable in social situations. I found that I’m comfortable responding to questions about my time in Italy, but I have a harder time inquiring from others about their own lives. I know that in one on one situations that are more relaxed I feel fine asking deeper questions and building into relationships. but since most of my ministry opportunities in Italy involve random meetings with students and very brief conversations, I must be more comfortable asking good questions about their lives and doing so because I really care. I think the root is self-centeredness. Gradually over the last few years have become very introspective and self focused. I see it especially in social situations, and I find myself forgetting to care about the people around me. Maybe I’ve always been this way and am just now realizing it. But regardless of how long it’s been true of me, I have a great need to become more others-focused so that I can be more aware of the needs of people around me, and see more easily opportunities to point others to Christ. Please pray Philippians 2:1-11 for me.
I guess that’s a lot. choose one if you like and I’ll keep you updated on what the Lord does. Thanks for reading this far. It is a great blessing that you care enough to read this email. Thank you.
Drew
one way ticket
Posted by Drew | Filed under General
I’m back in Mississippi. I’ll be here until the 28th, then flying back to Italy. It’s possible that this next trip will begin a full year and a half before I come home at all. If I don’t make it back for Christmas this year, then it’s very likely that Christmas 2009 will be the soonest I get on a plane coming back to the States. That’s a strange thought. But I have to consider Italy my home now. I was in a wedding this weekend and for my hometown the program listed Tupelo. But in reality, I have an address in Florence, Italy that, unless something changes, will be my home address for the next several years. My plan is even to become an Italian resident as soon as I can because living there requires being a resident for certain things like opening a bank account and getting a drivers’ license. It does seem strange. All of my moves to Italy in the past had an end date. This one doesn’t.
Recently my parents came to Orlando to visit me during the family weekend that was part of the training I was doing this summer. Many people asked my mom how she felt about me going over to Italy long-term. She said that she’s pretty used to the idea by now since I’ve gone over so many times already. But she pointed out that when I bought a one-way ticket it made things feel a little more real to her that this term is indefinite.
I’ve found myself inviting more and more people to visit me in Florence. Maybe it’s because for the first time I don’t have roommates and can freely offer a place to stay without having to check with anyone else. But maybe it’s because I sense that I won’t be coming home nearly as often as I have been the last few years, and the best chance for me to see friends from home will be when they (y’all) come visit.
But the last 5 years went by really fast. I have no reason to think the next 3-5 won’t also. But don’t let that keep you from coming to visit.
